2017

This sums up my mood right now. Cozy and a little lazy.

It seems a little late to write a 2017 post when January is almost over. It has taken me this long to wrap my head around the fact that it is a new year. Between my family being here, pregnancy, and just general business, I really hadn't taken the time to sit and reflect on what I wanted 2017 to look like.
After mulling it over a little, the thought I kept coming back to was transition. I feel like I am in a weird holding pattern till these babies are born. Almost like the beginning of the year will actually come after they are are born. My internal clock is waiting for them to start the countdown.
Our family is transitioning. We're going from three to five in a matter of weeks. I'm still wrestling with what I want to my day to day life look like as a stay-at-home mom. I want something concrete but it is way too soon to even begin to nail down anything. There are so many variables that I need to work through before I get any idea of what life is actually going to look like.
I am trying to be very mindful of the daily decisions that I make. It's the little decisions and everyday tasks that move life forward. I don't want to my lack of intentionality to lead me down a path I didn't intend to take. Also, any growth that I want to see is only going to come from little daily increments of effort. Trying to keep that in forefront of my mind helps me to prioritize my daily and weekly activities. It also helps alleviate some of my task oriented tunnel vision which I am very prone to get. I want to keep the big picture in front of me so that I can do a better job in my daily decision making process.
All of that to say, 2017 is going to be a year of change, both big and small. I definitely don't have a clear vision of what it's going to look like but I am resolved to just take it one step at a time and make the most every moment that I have.

General Happenings

Christmas festivities are in full swing here. We don't have a tree yet. We are waiting for my family to come into town to go pick one out. The weather has been wonderfully cold and rainy, which I love. I love the cold and to me, it's not Christmas if it isn't cold.
JW seems to be doing better at napping. It is a little touch and go some days. I just don't think he is destined to be a great napper. Hopefully, he will surprise me and really settle into his new schedule.
I'm trying to make the most of this productive time that I have. While I get tired more quickly than usual, I have not ballooned out to the point that it keeps me from getting stuff done around the house. I am trying to get as much done before I too large do anything but waddle from the bed to the couch.
It has been really nice getting to spend some more quality one-on-one time with JW. I am enjoying the quiet mornings where we read books while I drink my coffee. Our little world is going to be rocked very soon so I am trying to savor all moments we have together, just the two of us.
I need to get up and make myself some tea or I am in danger of falling asleep at my computer. These gray days are perfect for laziness but I don't have time for that!

Warning: This Is Sappy

If you prefer not to read about romantic relationships or any of that type of mush, move on.
This was a trying week. We were deep in throes of consolidating the nap schedule, there has been a ton of stuff happening at work, and on top of that Scott was traveling all week for work. He travels quite a bit for his job, so it is not uncommon for me to be home with Baby and Puppy by myself for extended periods of time. Usually, it isn't that bad. This week, however, I was so ready for him to get back. Taking care of a 18 month old takes a lot of energy but for the most part, it is very doable by yourself. There is, however, something comforting about knowing that you don't have to do it by yourself. If I am cooking dinner, and JW is getting under my feet causing chaos, I can move him out of the way, set him up with toys etc. Just because he is in the way doesn't mean I can't get stuff done but it is so nice when to be able to ask Scott to take him for a few minutes. That's what I love about being married. I can do it myself but I don't have to.
I think that is what is beautiful about marriage. I am so thankful that I can do everything on my own but I get to live in the knowledge that I have partner who will be there to share the burden.  Scott and I have been together for 8 years, married for 5 of those. It is crazy to think about who we were when we first started dating. So much bad communication. So many needless arguments mainly incited by me and my temper. Somehow, through long distance and age differences and a bunch of other hurdles we stayed together and got married. I can honestly say that he is my best friend. Any independence that I "lost" when I got married has more than been surpassed with the security and trust I have received. The little third culture kid in me has never felt more at home.
This week reminded me so much a scene in Gilmore Girls.

It's during the season where Lorelai is frantically trying to get the inn renovated and she is at her wits end. She comes from horrible dinner at her parents' (classic) and goes over to meet Luke. Unbeknownst to Luke, Lorelai is getting ready to ask him for a loan to cover the last bit of inn renovations. The stress, the bad dinner, coupled with the fact Lorelai and Rory have not been able to talk in forever results in her having a major ugly-face cry meltdown. Luke sweetly comforts her while to pours out all of her stress and frustration. The phrase that really sticks out is Lorelai wishing she had someone in her corner who could pick up the slack. Someone who she could rely on when times got tough. Of course the audience, is screaming, "HE IS RIGHT THERE! JUST MARRY HIM ALREADY!" That's a topic for a different time. All of that to say, I am thankful that I don't have to be Lorelai in Season 4. I have have found that person.

OK, sappy post over. Back to normal life.

Letting Go Of Balance

(Craft Street Design)

If you remember back in my pregnancy announcement, I mentioned that after the twins are born am I planning on quitting my part time job. It's a decision that I made quickly but it definitely was not made lightly. It is a pretty big deal to me.  I love working. I really truly do. I love getting to put into practice the stuff that I learned in school. I love problem solving. I love the intricacies of small businesses. I enjoy spending non-work time learning about work related topics. I listen to podcasts about leadership. I read articles about market trends. I love doing what I do. Even with all that, I knew that I couldn't continue working with three small children.
One thing that I know about myself is that I am not satisfied unless I am giving 110% to something. The problem with this type of personality is it is impossible to really and truly give all of your energy to everything. It makes prioritizing things hard. I should be able to everything and do it all well, right? Wrong. Something has to give. In the case, it is my job.
I really don't believe in work-life balance. The whole concept of trying to "balance" all the different items in our lives immediately sets us up for failure. The reality is, some things are more important or vital and therefore should receive more of our time and attention. I had a professor in school talk about shifting the discussion away from work-life balance to work-life blend. The idea being, those important or vital things are going to require more time and energy and they should be given the time and energy they need. We don't need to assume that all activities should be treated equally or given the same amount of consideration. This type of thinking was so liberating for me. It helps me limit my focus and prioritize what is important. In this case and this time in my life, the most important things is taking care of my family. If I decided to continue working, it would be to the detriment of my children. This is not a statement against working moms. I have the highest respect and admiration for women in the workforce. I just know myself really well and I know that if I continued to work after the twins were born, I would put myself in a position where I could not care for them correctly. Since, it is about blending my time and my energy, I am not going to fret about balancing out my efforts. While they are small and require so much, I really want to be able to give them the majority of my time and energy.
I like to think of it as a pie chart. Can you tell I am business nerd? The amount of time in the chart is finite because let's face it, I have to sleep. Taking care of the three little ones is going to take up a lot more time than anything else. So if I taking care of my family and everything that it entails is my main priority, that is going to severely limit the amount of time I have to spend on other things. I have to be conscientious to not add more things that I can reasonably handle. That automatically means that some things are not going to make the cut. It forces to prioritize and really come to grips with the fact that I can't do it all. I am looking forward to what this new season will teach me. Plus, it's just that, a season. This is not forever. Seasons change. I am going to make the most of this one and learn as much as I can.

Keep Calm

I'm not going to lie, this week was rough. I had a two day migraine. Work is busy. Life is busy and if I see one more political post on Facebook, I may lose my faith in humanity. I want to blow this print up as big as the wall and plaster it across my bedroom. In a day and age where it is really easy to voice an opinion, staying calm and silent is a lot harder. I've tried to be really calm and measured during this election cycle, but today I seem to be failing at it. I honestly really don't care that much about the election or the drama around it. It just makes me sad to see so many people whipped up into a frenzy. I told a friend the other day that I wish we could take a do-over. Let's just skip this election cycle. We won't pick a president and then we will all reconvene in four years. I think a lot of people just need a chance to sleep off all of their emotions. In college, I used to say that if it was past 11 o'clock at night, I didn't need to be discussing anything important or philosophical because I was too tired to be rational. It's past 11 o'clock, America. Go to bed.

Saying Goodbye, Again

(from a fellow Witt chick's blog)

Today was a sad week for me. Another one of my childhood homes is no more. It's still standing there but it is no longer open. This was Wittlingen, my dorm during high school. I've mentioned it before but I had a rather untraditional high school experience. I attended Black Forest Academy, a Christian boarding school in Germany. This building was my home during those four years. It was the best. It was a very old building. I think the oldest parts dated back to the 1800s, maybe even farther back. It was a tangled maze from all of the additions. We had special names for all of the different sections. There was the West Wing, The Tower, The Closet which later was Davy Jones' Locker. There was the senior floor the South Tower and the main floor of the building which somehow escaped a unique descriptor. It was originally a guesthouse but became a dorm for the school in 1992. Some of the best memories of my life happened in that building. It was my home.
The building, sadly, was getting too old and run down to pass health inspection. Even when I lived there, we were always concerned that it would shut down. I am really thankful that is was only just now closed. I don't think I could have handled it if it happened even just a couple of years ago. It was always comforting to know that I could go back and visit it. Seeing the Facebook statuses and pictures of the cleaning out process brought back a ton of emotions. It was like saying goodbye all over again. I am so thankful that I have so many happy memories of Wittlingen. It may no longer house students but it will always be my dorm in my heart.

Dream Big

(Pinterest, purchase here)

One the biggest motivators to overhaul our finances was the realization that if we continued to do what we were doing, we were never going to get to do the things we wanted to do. It's easy to talk about future plans or dreams. "One day we will do this," or, "One day we will go there." They roll of the tongue easily. They are dreamy hypotheticals. Good intentions with no substance. When it really truly hit me that we were never going to get to do those "one day" things was when I became really intense on whipping our financial life into shape. If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail. The old adage by Benjamin Franklin holds true, especially in the world of personal finance. 

Some people, like me, can get down and dirty in the numbers and budgeting, and that brings a sense of enjoyment and satisfaction in itself. My husband on the other hand, could care less. He doesn't get excited about allocating money to different categories. He is a spender through and through. He needs a big reason for doing the nitty gritty. The prize for a race well run. Chris Hogan's book, Retire Inspired, stresses the importance of dreaming big. What would you do if you could do anything you wanted? Honestly, this question is hard for me to answer. I am such a practical person at heart that it takes a lot to get me into that frame of mind. Scott and I talked about this and his answer was quick and definitive. All he wants is to buy a sailboat and sail around the world. That's a big dream but it is the perfect motivator. It's big enough that it will require sacrifice but it still attainable. My dreams are similar. We both love to travel and I cannot wait to take our future family all over the world. I want to plan a trip, have the money, and not stress about anything. 

So what does that really look like? If the whole point of this dreaming big thing is to actually do it, then how do you get there? One word, budget. It's not a dirty word. For a person like me, who will get the worst case of buyer's remorse, it is a life saver. Knowing that I have money allocated to a specific category keeps me from freaking out when I go to buy something. It also assures me that I am not sabotaging future goals for a momentary pleasure. Seeing how all the pieces fit together is amazing. Now you might be thinking, "Yeah, that is great for a nerd like you, but what about me? I don't care about numbers! I just want to spend my money how I want to!" 

Your thoughts are real and valid. I would argue that your definition of budget might be slightly wrong. Budget doesn't mean cheap or constricting. It simply means that there is a finite amount you can spend on any particular thing. How does that sound any better? Well, the reason is because YOU decide what that finite amount is. You tell your money where it is going to go. Sure there are some things that you going to have to pay even if you don't want to. Utilities, maybe rent or a mortgage, food, transportation, but the rest is up to you. It's is when you consciously decide how you going to spend your money that you actually can see those big dreams becoming reality. Otherwise the money just leaks out of your bank account month after month, and you will never make any progress. 

If you still don't believe me, I strongly encourage you to try out www.everydollar.com. It is great budgeting tool that has helped us to so much. When I use it, I can see that we are going to get to those "one day" things and I can actually start dreaming bigger. I am confident that those dreams are going to become realities. 

Any other personal finance junkies out there? Are you more of spender or a saver? What big things do you want accomplish? 

Mental Check

(Verily Mag)

I had to take a little mental check this week. I was going throughout my day, reacting to what was coming my way, and I this thought, "I don't think I am a very nice person." I have always prided myself in being an empathetic person. The key word there is prided. It was a source of pride. People have described me as sweet or thoughtful and I happily agreed. When I was having this mental check, I realized that on the surface I may appear sweet but my thoughts were quite the opposite. It was a little wake up call. I kept thinking of the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus talks about how it is not just our actions that count as sinful. The thoughts and intent of our heart condemn us as well. It was humbling but really, it was what I needed. Being faced with such a poor yet accurate picture of myself, I can truly rejoice in the grace of God. He sees the true me, with the flaws and sin, and still sent His son to die. 

Are you curious about spiritual things? Check out www.gotquestions.org. 

Thoughts On Being Consistent

This has been a week of heavy mental lifting. Maybe I am maturing with age, maybe it's all of the crises that have bombarding the news feeds lately, or maybe it's just the season the of life that I am in. I had a little light bulb moment the other day. I place a lot of value on being consistent, especially when it comes to opinions and beliefs. It is incredibly important that all of my ideas, opinions and beliefs align themselves into one cohesive and consistent worldview. I think I always knew that it was important to me but it hasn't been till recently that I came to the realize just how vital it is.
One of the most pronounced times of wrestling with this idea came to me in a college business ethics class. I loved that class. It was everything that I enjoyed about college. A great professor, interesting topics, and plenty opportunities for class discussions. The class discussions were very insightful. I was continuously surprised at the lack of consistent worldviews that many students exhibited. One minute they were all pro less government intervention and then the next minute they were exclaiming that we needed more regulations to legislate corporate behavior. It was very striking how they could hold a wide array of completely contradictory ideas to be true. Of course, this made me acutely aware of the fact that I might be doing the same thing, so I took it upon myself that semester to try to be the most logically consistent person in the class.
All of this came to a head one day while we were watching a documentary. It was about a young soccer coach named Jim Keady, who refused to wear his university's athletic apparel because of Nike's labor practices. I watched it with my radar up. I knew that this documentary had a very biased perspective, most documentaries do. Even with my critical thinking cap on, I couldn't help getting emotional. Everything about the document was pushing you to look at the income disparity of the people who make Nike clothes and shoes the people who wear Nike clothes and shoes. When the film was over, everyone was silent. It had taken a very obvious toll on everyone. My professor asked for the thoughts or comments. There were a few answers but everyone was still processing the information and emotions. It was hard. In that moment, I knew I had to stay strong. This documentary had done everything it could to sway me. The emotional appeal was staring me in the face. I slowly gave my answer to the professor. I talked about how the economic conditions of the Southeast Asian countries where Nike shoes are made. We baulk at the living conditions in those factory villages but we don't know what it would be like if there wasn't a factory there. Could it be that those workers would be dead or starving if there wasn't a Nike factory there? Are their living conditions and wages better than their non-factory working counterparts? I pointed out that the documentary did not give us any of those answers. It simply drew a comparison between a American person's life and the factory worker's life. When you compare an American life to almost any other life, you see a huge amount of disparity.
I left class that day feeling drained but proud. I still had to wrestle with what it meant to be a conscientious consumer but I had stayed true to my core beliefs in the face of a mental attack. It is important to me to remember that everyday is like that. Each and everyday, we are bombarded with new and differing perspectives. I can't just let that information pass through my mind. If I don't actively scrutinize and review the validity of each statement, then I run the risk of being led to believe that something that it false. As a Christian, this is incredibly important. There are far reaching implications for not being a consistent thinker. If I believe the Bible is true, which I do, and I think it is foundation of my life, which I do, I have to compare every thought or opinion that I have to what it says. It is tiring but I know that it will worth it in the end. The consistency will eventually be rewarded.

Thoughts On Being Overwhelmed

(I may have to purchase this shirt for myself, via Pinterest)

I am here with an extra post. Yeah! Actually the reason I have time to write this is because I am home with a sickly baby. He started running a fever yesterday at work so we stayed home today to make sure that he was on the mend. Thankfully, he is napping and eating and seems to be getting better.
A week ago I posted a photo on Instagram confessing my very cliche struggle with work/life balance. It is a pretty typical problem. We all have a lot of things our plates. A lot of it is good stuff or just plain important stuff, like work and spending time with our families. Some of the stuff is just boring, like scheduling doctor visits or paying bills. No matter what the mix is, we would all agree that it is a lot. It usually is not that big of a deal. We are used to dividing our time and attention. Sometimes though, the amount responsibilities and to-dos can overwhelm me. You know that quote in The Lord of the Rings? Bilbo is talking to Gandalf about feeling old. He says he feels "thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” That is how I feel when I get overwhelmed by all of the things I have to do. I don't like this feeling at all. It isn't pleasant. I am not enjoyable to be around when I am stressed out and I am not very productive. 
So what is a girl supposed to do? The short answer. I don't know. I was staring at my calendar and to-do list last week thinking of what I could better, how I maximize my time, wondering what got me in this spot in the first place. One thing I realized in the moment was that the answers to those questions really didn't matter right then. When you're stressed out and facing a deadline, it is not the time to be focussed on secondary issues. That is when you take a few breaths, promise yourself you will learn from your mistakes, and attack the problem or task right in front you. 
Thankfully, I am past that point and I am experiencing a little relief in the stress department. Now I have the time to ponder how I went wrong and what caused me to overextend myself. A couple of things have stood out to me.
One, I am need to not make pleasing people my main goal. I tend to overextend myself when I want to impress people. That usually happens in the area of work. I want to be a good employee and I desperately want to add value to the organization, so I take on extra tasks. I want to be the person others can trust to get work done and someone who goes above and beyond. While these are noble things, I need to be more realistic with how much time I can actually spend working. If I am constantly stretching myself too thin, my productivity is going to go down overall and I will not only fail to accomplish the extra tasks but I will not be able to do my core job. I need to be ok delegating and be honest about my limitations. 
Two, I need to be more disciplined with my time management. I need to guard my time carefully and not let it slip away. This is especially important in the mornings. I am not a morning person. I have a hard time waking up. I love to enjoy my morning cup of coffee and wake up slowly. This is not the most conducive thing for getting out the door on time. This last week I decided to bump up my wake up time from 7:00 am to 6:30 am. I wanted to have my coffee finished before I had to get the little guy up that way he would be content to play in his pen while I got ready. This has made a huge difference in how I feel. I am arriving to work less frazzled because I am getting there earlier with less hassle. There are still some areas I need to work on, like not being less distracted and procrastinating but I already feel like I have made progress just by making this little adjustment. 
I know there will still be times when I feel overwhelmed. That is life. It doesn't mean that I don't have control over how I act and what I do when those situations arise. I don't have to live in a pattern of stress and relief. I can make small, real changes that make a difference in my day to day life. There is always opportunity for improvement and there is always room for change. I don't like being overwhelmed, so why would I settle for a life that is characterized by that feeling?
 

Ghosts of College Past

As you are reading this, I am most likely in a car traveling to my brother's college graduation. He is graduating from Liberty University, where my college journey began. I attend LU for two years before getting married and transferring to the University of Georgia. Though my time there was brief, I still had some great experiences and made friends that I treasure to this day. In anticipation of this visit, I decided to flip through some old photos from ye' olde days. That's what Facebook is for, right? These are photos from my freshmen and sophomore years. It was a pretty hilarious time and we had blast, while still managing to get some stuff done. It will be a little weird going back. I have only visited once since leaving. A little walk down memory lane is always fun. It keeps the memories fresh. I don't want forget any of the good times or the bad. Maybe just the some of the hairstyles and outfit choices.

Progress

(taken by yours truly at the Sugar Mill Botanical Gardens)

The year is more than a quarter over. Um, wow. Does it feel like January was yesterday to anyone else? No, just me? Anyways, this year is going fast. I wanted to come back and do a little recap of some of the goals I mentioned back in the beginning of the year. 

1. Emergency fund: We are almost done! We adjusted our number based on some work projections and a decrease our uncertainty level. I had padded the six month number but things are looking good so I don't think we will need the extra cushion. We should be done next week. It is going to be such an amazing feeling to knock such a big goal off the list. I am really excited. Since we are following the Total Money Makeover, finishing up our emergency fund means we get to move onto Baby Steps 4, 5 and 6. If you are unfamiliar with the steps, check out the link. I am a big list/plan maker and this plan has been great for us so far. 

2. Physical fitness goals: I am so excited about this one! I have done so much better than I ever thought I could. I have been consistently working for the last four months. I have noticed some big changes in my energy levels and overall physical fitness. Marking off each day that I workout on my calendar has been the perfect little "win" to keep me motivated. I want to start increasing the intensity of the workouts as well as being more intentional with my diet. We eat fairly well but I know that I can make some adjustments in this area. Increasing the intensity of the workouts and being more intentional about my nutrition should make a big difference in the results I am seeing. 

Thanks for letting me share my progress! I am mulling over some new goals and hopefully will be posting those soon. 

Did you set some goals this year? How are you doing? 

Spinning Wheels

Why, hello there! Long time no see. That is my bad. When life gets busy some things fall through the cracks. Sadly, blogging has to play second fiddle to things like work deadlines and cooking. #priorities
I have missed you though! I listened to a great podcast last week that encouraged me to get back here. Seth Godin was being interviewed and he highly encouraged everyone to write a blog as a creative exercise. Hopefully, I will stick with it a little longer this time.
Sadly, the reality of life is that there are going to be times when I just can't make the time to write. It's one of those "you can do anything but not everything" moments. I have to keep my priorities straight. Blogging is something I do for fun. Just for me to express myself and connect a little with the world. When life gets busy, those "just for me" things have to be the first to go. There just is not enough time to fit it all those little things in.
I am working to get to more efficient at budgeting my time. When you budget money, you start with the four main things: food, shelter, lights/water, and transportation. You make sure that your cover all the bare necessities so that you don't end up out on the street. After those four items are taken care of, you move on to the items that not as essential but still important, like clothing and saving. Lastly, if you have money leftover, you look at buying something that is just a want, like a latte. That is how I am trying to view my time. It is the most precious resource I have, but I am not nearly as concerned with how I spend it as I am my paycheck. Am I making my time work for me? And I am essentially "impulse spending" it but checking Instagram notifications? Are there better ways of investing it? All these questions force me to evaluate time like the asset it is. I only have so much. I don't want to waste it.

Do you manage time well? Do you feel like you keep spinning your wheels when it comes to time managements?

Retreat

Thank. Goodness. It's. Friday. This has been one full week. I know I talked a lot about work  last week but that just seems to be the trend in my life right now. Work and the weather. I snapped this photo in our backyard yesterday (edited with A Color Story, still singing it's praises!). The time change and the sunshine are much needed mood boosters. We are taking full advantage of the mild temperatures before the blazing heat of summer sets in.
Sometimes, the best thing I can when I get overly stressed is to just walk away. Obviously, this tactic doesn't work if you have a deadline bearing down on you (hello, college midterms. I'm looking at you!) but usually, in my life and job, I have enough wiggle room to take a small break. It has to be real break. Not a jump-on-Instagram break, but a true disconnect. Working out and being outside have provided me great opportunities for clear my head.
If I can't get away from the problem completely, then it is generally best just to move on to another task. Usually, I will pick something small that I know I can accomplish. That little win and feeling of success will usually motivate me to tackle the original problem again, this time with more confidence and a clearer head.
Sometimes, though, I am just stuck and no amount of mental trickery is going to help. Then it is time to call it day. Sleep on it, mull it over, and attack it first thing tomorrow. That was how I felt on Tuesday. I let myself get pushed into overwhelmed-land and the only thing left to do was retreat. Trying to stay focussed on the problem and fix it was only leading to more fear and emotion. Critical thinking had already left so it was time to pack it up and just retreat for awhile. The next day, was a million times better. The problem I had been wrestling with seemed so much more manageable after a little time apart. Hopefully next time I will do a better job of not letting myself get to that overwhelmed state.

Anyone else get these overwhelmed feelings? Like there is a hive of bees swarming in your head?

Making A House A Home

(via Pinterest, Sherwin Williams paint colors)

If you're like me, you have the most wonderfully curated collection of Pinterest boards. You might even occasionally browse through said boards in order to reorganize them or discard pins that no longer match your style. It's a dream like place with amazing kitchens, beautiful outfits, delicious recipes and fitness inspiration. If I am honest, my Pinterest boards do not match my life. This is not a judgement against Pinterest. I love it for the inspiration and vast amounts of information that it brings. But if it is supposed to be for inspiration then something physical should eventually come out of it. I  have become dissatisfied with all the pretty stuff staying on Pinterest on not making its way into my "real" life. So, I have decided, this is year I actually getting some decorating done.
My first and foremost goal is to finish painting the hallway and guest bedroom. The hallway will be Revere Pewter to match our living room and dining room areas. It is a Benjamin Moore color that I matched with Sherwin Williams SuperPaint. I think I am going to try and use the leftover Sherwin Williams Anonymous paint in the guest room. This is same color I used in the baby room and I love how it turned out. I think it will be striking with white and cream bedding.
Even though I am set on getting stuff done, I am also very concerned with not spending a lot (or any) money. I used to use money as an excuse to not do stuff. I would put off doing anything because I felt like I needed this or that to really complete the project. When I couldn't buy that one thing that I thought I needed then I wouldn't do anything.  Since I have been in purge mode, I have realized that I have a ton of stuff that I can use. I have more than enough decor items to fill this entire house. It is just a matter of getting creative.
Lastly, I finally have come to terms with the fact that it is ok to settle into a place. It is a weird feeling for me. For longest time, I was concerned that if I decorated or made an effort to do stuff around the house and then we moved, it would be a big waste. I don't want to keep pushing off making our house a home just because we might move one day. I am tired of the balancing act of emotions. Always trying to not get too involved with where I am because I know it will be easier to say goodbye if I don't actually care. It is exhausting to live with the anticipation of upheaval. So I am going to love on this little house. Dress it up, make it pretty and create cozy, little corners. Maybe it will make a future move harder but I am ok with that. I will cross that bridge when I get there.

Living

I sat down to write this post and then kind of forgot what I wanted to say.  It seems to be a trend lately. February has been an interesting month so far. We've had weather whiplash. One week it feels like Spring the next week Winter is happening in full blast. We had some big downs in the parenting department. How do you get a kid who just learned how to stand up to lay down and take a nap?! I was very worried that the days of good napping were gone. Thankfully, we have gotten through four sleep sessions without any issues and last night he didn't wake up pitching a fit. YEAH! The productivity train is still rolling, which is amazing. Work has been going well. Life in general has been good but I feel like there is disturbance underneath the surface. I have been doing a lot of thinking. Not just "what do I need to do right now" or "what should I make for dinner" type of thinking but pondering and wrestling. I am grappling with a lot of bigger questions. Those questions that define and shape a person's life. I am not doubting my faith or having a crisis of conscience. It is more like trying to really hone in and flesh out the overarching principles that I believe. How the big questions look when they are worked in day to day living. I highly value logical consistency. I have my dad to thank for that. It used to be so infuriating as a tween and early teen to talk to him about stuff. He would push back against all of my arguments and didn't cut me any slack. I desperately just wanted to win a debate. Of course, when you're thirteen and fourteen and you're concept the world and logic is so limited you are not going to construct winning arguments. Having that pressure to not just spout off nonsense and actually think through what I was saying, has proven invaluable. It taught me to think critically and to reason rather than just go with the feeling of the moment. It does make life difficult sometimes and has lead to this season of internal debates. Does anyone out there have days when they wish they were less self-aware? Sometimes, I just want to give in and just float in a sea mindlessness, which usually equals scrolling through Pinterest and Instagram for way too long. All of that to say, life is good but I feel uneasy and I have a feeling that it won't subside for a while.

On a much happier note, here are somethings that have caught my attention lately:

This post about hair care. I am day 2 of overhauling my hair washing routine. Wish me luck!

I am in love with A Color Story. It is an amazing photo editing tool. I used one of the free filters on the photo above.

I have started doing some preliminary searches for new swimwear. I don't know how my old stuff will fit since it is all pre-baby. Albion Fit has some really cute ones with lots of coverage. The workout gear looks amazing, as well.

Speaking of working out, if you follow me on Pinterest, you may have seen a lot of pins from Pumps & Iron. I am really enjoying her workouts. They are usually short, which is great for doing during nap times, and do not require a lot of equipment. I did one earlier today and my legs were dying!

That's is what is going on around here. I think I am going to shoot for a once a week update. Small goals equals small victories. Hopefully, that will help me keep up the momentum.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Productivity

I did not mean to go this long without posting, but it has been good. I can honestly say that this last month has been the most productive month of my life. This may be the closest I have come to feeling like an "adult" ever. Back in the beginning of January, I was reading a post on What I Wore, where she mentioned her 2 minute resolution. The idea is if you can do it in 2 minutes just do it. Do not put it off, to do say that you will come back to it later, to do pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. Just do it. This little 2 minute rule really kickstarted my brain. I like I have said before, I am messy, but this month I have managed to wrangle in the mess like never before. Nike had it right all along. Just do it. While everything is not spotless or Pinterest worthy, I feel so much better about the state of our life. I have never felt less overwhelmed but having accomplished more. It's very weird.
I am hoping to get back into a better routine of posting. I do enjoy it and I want to work it back into my schedule. It may just not be the right season for it. We shall see. I love that saying that I keep seeing floating around the Internet. You can do it all just not all at once. I have to keep that in mind as a reminder as I prioritize my time.

Until next time!

Christmas Blues

Merry Christmas! Sorry for the radio silence. We have been busy, busy with get togethers and being lazy bums. The post Christmas blues have set in. If you haven't noticed by now, I have a bit of an existential, angsty streak. Usually, I channel it into gloomy music and chocolate consumption but now I have blog so it is funneled here. Like I have said before, I love the Christmas season, however, I don't particularly care for Christmas day. I am remember as I kid, wondering why everyone seemed to be happier and more excited about Christmas day than me. The excitement from ripping opening packages seemed to dissipate much quicker from my soul than it did for my siblings. It used to bug me but as I grew and matured, I just assumed that it was a part of my personality and kind of brushed it off. So what if I don't get that excited on Christmas morning? I have a ton of fun leading up to it and I can be happy with that. It wasn't till this year after listening to the first two parts of this teaching series did I really come to grip with my melancholy nature. The lectures are on Ecclesiastes, which is like the Intro to Philosophy book of the Bible. It deals with the meaningless nature of life. (Sorry that I am a creating a downer here, hang with me.) I can't really explain it so I really have to suggest that you listen to it. I finally have a peace about being a little down on Christmas day. The hype is fun and I love getting into the spirit but in the end it is ok to be a little sad. If you ever feel like you can't "enjoy" life like everyone around you, I highly recommend you listen to all five parts. It will be a breath of fresh air to your soul. 

Sorry for the tangential rant. 

Merry (blue) Christmas! 

Last Bit of Autumn

I really wanted to do a cute little shoot with the last of our pumpkins before I moved on to Christmas decorations. Sadly, my camera died mid shoot and I really didn't get any good shots. I almost decided to call it quits and then I remembered that I have a phone. Technology is really amazing these days. I know that in a lot of ways it has made our lives more complicated but I think it does enrich our daily experiences in some ways. Like the ease that I can shoot and edit these photos. A couple of clicks with my camera app followed by few taps and a VSCO filter and I had these. 

Some times I wonder if the ease with which we create takes away some of the specialness of the creative endeavor. Since so many people have access to the same technology and it is relatively easy to use, does it make the outcomes less special? People are taking photos and making videos more than every before. As technology advances, it becomes cheaper and more available. The lines between amateurs and professionals are slowing blurring. Are we seeing an increase in expressions of creativity or a dilution of it?   

Maybe technology just enables more people to dabble in creative projects. I wouldn't consider myself an artist or a "creator." I am a hobbyist at best. I enjoy the ease that my phone lets me capture pictures like these and I have gotten somewhat decent at composing a shot but I know that I don't hold a candle to a lot of photographers out there. For me, I am excited about the new possibilities that technology offers. I should probably just learn to sit back and enjoy it. 

Have a good Monday!

Over The Weekend: Overcome The World

I keep thinking back on this podcast by Timothy Keller. Essentially, the message is bad things happen and that is normal. When good things happen, it is a miracle. With everything that has happened in the last 48-72 hours, it feels like there is only bad things.
Maybe it is age, maybe it is experience, but there is very little that shocks me. I am a little embarrassed at how little I feel over these recent violent attacks in Paris. I am saddened but not surprised. It is almost a numbness. Then watching the aftershocks on social media causes me to be more apathetic. I don't know if apathetic is the right word. It is a heavy, sad feeling. The opinions and "debates" turn a horrific situation into a show. There are people who voicing genuine concern and sorrow. They are trying to mentally and emotionally wrestle with the facts but they drown out by the hundreds of other voices. The "others" are pushing ignorant policies and political views. It feels like a large crowd of people yelling over each other. Everyone is saying something but it doesn't seem like anyone is taking the time to listen. Maybe are trying to make sense of the situation as best they can. It is disheartening the ridiculousness that follows something like this.
It is kind of nice to have a little corner of the Internet to voice your thoughts but not have to worry about other people seeing it. Putting up a status on FB guarantees that someone will read it. Putting something up hear means that it is out there, but maybe no one will see it. I feel a freedom to be expressive in a space I call "my own" than I public forum like Facebook.
So what do we after something like what happened in Paris? That is the big question. I wish there was plan. I would love to offer up a carefully and thoughtfully crafted strategy that was ideologically consistent, yet compassionate and fiscally responsible. What that would look like, I don't know. All I know is that bad things are going to happen and we are going to have to do deal with them.

John 16